Annie's Mailbox .

ROLCAM · Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 11:23 am Post subject: Annie's Mailbox .

Annie's Mailbox.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar .

Dear Annie: Four years ago, my father died of a massive coronary right in front of my mother. Since then, Mom has been slipping both mentally and physically.

Mom lives on her own, smokes a pack and a half of cigarettes per day and drinks away her loneliness, as she "has nothing else to do." I've also noticed lately that she is not taking care of herself or her house like she used to.

Mom depends heavily on her three children for her entertainment and support. We take her to doctor appointments, help with her financial affairs and do minor repairs around the house. She expects us to call her every day and visit every weekend. If we don't, she complains that no one calls or visits her and threatens to change her will. If I mention the call the next day, she doesn't remember making it.

Mom leaves her house only to buy groceries, get her hair done and see her doctor. We have arranged therapy appointments, but she cancels them at the last minute. We have suggested she get involved in a seniors group, but she won't drive in unfamiliar territory. She visits my house at least once a month, but her smoking is a huge issue and she refuses to smoke outside.

We can see that Mom is terribly lonely. She has been diagnosed with depression and put on medication, but as soon as she feels better, she stops taking it. She currently has her house up for sale and intends to move into a retirement complex. My sister is out of patience, and my brother has a young family and not much time to devote to Mom. What else can I do? -- T.T.

Dear T.T.: Moving into a retirement complex could turn out to be a good thing because it might encourage Mom to socialize more. Hopefully, there will be many activities for your mom to participate in, and this just may give her a boost -- mentally and physically. This is a major step for Mom, so all of you should be as loving and supportive as possible. Also, many depressed people resist taking medication, and self-medicate by smoking and drinking. Talk to her doctor about this.

Dear Annie: Our daughter, who is gay, has a partner who has become very special to us. Her partner has a young son, "Peter," whom we have come to love as a grandson.

We recently retired and moved closer to them. What concerned me was how to introduce them to our new friends without making anyone uncomfortable. One night earlier this week, when I couldn't sleep, the answer came to me: "These are our daughters, Jane and Mary, and our grandson, Peter."

I thought I'd share this idea with your readers. My bet is that there are many parents who might find it useful. -- One More Life Puzzle Solved

Dear One More Puzzle: It's a sweet idea, although a little deceptive. You don't need to protect your friends or your daughter from the truth about the relationship. Why not introduce them as "Our daughter, Jane, her partner, Mary, and our grandson, Peter"? It would save a lot of trouble in the long run.

Dear Annie: You missed the boat with "Playing Second Fiddle in California," who said her husband's dog nipped her child. She was most definitely overreacting. The child didn't need stitches, so it probably wasn't much. My dog often takes fingers into his mouth to show affection.

These dogs were his children first, and they grew up in the house and got lots of love and attention. "Playing" says she is not a dog person, and I believe she is using this incident to make him get rid of his dogs. -- An Animal Lover

Dear Animal Lover: You are being naive. It is not unusual for dogs to show hostility when a new baby arrives, and the child must be protected. We hope the dogs can be trained to accept the baby, but if not, it is best for everyone, including the animals, to have the dogs live where they are welcomed and loved.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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Sydney , Australia.