story help pls

henny · Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:25 am Post subject: story help pls

hi...
how are you?
Can you pls check my boy's story for Halloween.
Alter if necessary, pls!
txs in advance...
--------------------------------

This is rare to celebrate Halloween in this Middle East, as this is
very popular in western countries.

I enjoy both horror movies and jokes but one fine day, I landed myself
into hot water! Thank God, it was a merely dream that I ever have of
my whole life of 11 years!

During my long Eid holidays, I helped my busy Mum to clean up the cosy
attic exactly above my blue room. Aloh! I found an unique rug from the
dusty corner. Suddenly, the yellow bulb switched off with a soft bang!
Out of curiosity, I spread it across to have a good look outside the
small veranda.

Soon, there were series of magic sparkling stars, surrounding me from
the strange carpet. I was dumbfounded as it, next carried me like a
flying saucer or UFO across the wee balcony! With fear, I clutched the
woollen fringes very hard as the magic rug was travelling with a great
speed just like a zooming rocket, targeting to the space!
Wow! I thought after journeying through snow-white clouds. I peeped
down to have a quick glance below me.

Soon, I was descended slowly to the Land of Pyramids. My poor little
heart was thumping so hard after seeing stretches of barren lands,
thinking I shall be rottening away into a small weak skeleton!
Nevertheless, I was transformed into a young handsome Egyptian Pharaoh
namely King Tutankhamen, simply donned as richly royal manner. I was
landed, seating on a high throne, all covered with gold and precious
gems. My favourite pet, Sphinx Cat was also transformed into a huge
Black Panther. It was guarding me well from all those strangers from
the court. Moreover, I was feeling so weak and giddy after bearing
such a tall heavy kingly crown. Soon, a huge team of medical staff was
busy checking me. There was a low murmuring sound that was Greek to
me. I was advised a completed bed-rest till my last breathe. My mind
was boggling with full of questions and doubts. Thereafter, my sore
mouth was sealed well with honey and herbs to wart off the invading
evil spirits inside my delicate torso. From my richly decorated
quarters, I viewed rows of slaves, slogging day and night, building a
famous Pyramid of Giza.Eventually; it was done so grandly with
all-important provisions inside. As Egyptians believed that there was
a next or new life after death. Next, I founded myself fully embalmed
and wrapped with smelly linens. Unfortunately, they were not aware
that I was nearly alive! It was impossible for me to scream or escape
from the five or eight well built-in coffins. My heart fell when I
heard the final door bolted tight to keep the raiders away!

I don't remember after how long, this pyramid was discovered by
Dr.Howard Carter.
My dad was hired as an expert tourist guide to tour this very same
pyramid. He also brought his office colleagues who were happening to
vacationing that time.
My heart was so full when I heard his usual loud voice, explaining
every detail on his mic. This re-echoed on those layers of coffins.
After saying few thankful and encouraging prayers, I forced myself to
break free from this awful prison. Out of the blue, these curious
visitors were freezed with horror after seeing me, fully wrapped
Mummy, struggling on my feet." Daddy, it's me", I shouted loudly to
him. Dad was thunderstrucked but very angry for playing Halloween
pranks to his business people.
He apologized them profoundly, saying I was merely dressed up to
celebrate the horror festival! Finally, I was overwhelmed to be back
with my very own tribe.

But, I did received a double scolding from my hot-tempered Mum for
escaping to Cairo with Dad without her knowledge.